


The Wedding

by SupremeCommanderOfPencils



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Humor, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:16:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupremeCommanderOfPencils/pseuds/SupremeCommanderOfPencils
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Carter are thrust into a surprise mission that will test their loyalty, trust, courage, and their ability to withstand socially awkward situations: willing or not, they're going to a wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CelticKnot12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticKnot12/gifts).



 

A rapid series of knocks sounded at Samantha Carter’s door. She looked up from her book and glanced at the clock. 2:07 in the afternoon. Not expecting any company, Sam curiously went to the door and peeked out the small window.

She smiled when she saw Colonel Jack O’Neill, staring at the ground as he shifted his weight around, waiting for her to answer. When he lifted his arm to glance at his watch, she noticed a backpack swinging from his hand.

She opened the door as well as her mouth to greet him, but the instant he saw her, he quickly spoke, hardly using any pauses between his sentences. “Hey, Carter! How ya doing? Great! Well, can I come in? I really have to pee.”

Slightly bewildered and at a loss for words, she simply widened the door and stepped aside. He nodded his head toward her in thanks as he strode down the hall and veered out of sight through the doorway, backpack included.

Sam stood still for a moment, the door still opened in her hand. Shaking her head to get it back into gear, she shut the door and headed back to the living room, picking up her book again as she waited for Jack to join her.

A page later, a shadow fell over the text. She looked up the see Jack standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets.

“Hello, sir. What brings you to my bathroom this fine afternoon?”

He grinned and then shrugged his shoulders as he glanced down at his shoes. Rather fancy shoes to be wearing for a casual visit on a Saturday. In fact…as Sam looked closer, she noticed his whole outfit was slightly more dressy then his usual off work clothes.

“Oh, nothing much.” He replied. “You have any plans today?”

Sam shook her head. “No, not really. Why?”

“Well, I just thought I’d check before I kidnapped you.”

She blinked, not sure if she had heard right. Her mouth twitched up into a smile as she gave a small laugh. “What?”

He just jerked his head toward the door and grabbed her wrist, tugging slightly. “C’mon, I’m kidnapping you.” He pulled her to her feet and began towing her to the door.

“You’re seriously going to kidnap me? But what if I don’t want to be kidnapped?” She questioned, though she played along and put up only enough resistance to keep him tugging at her arm.

Jack suddenly stopped and turned to her, raising a warning finger. “Don’t make me bring out the duct tape.” He stared at her with raised eyebrows for a second more before he swiveled around on his heel and continued for the door.

He led her to his car out front. She watched as he released her wrist and opened the back door just enough to toss the backpack inside. His fingers then pulled the handle of the passenger door, opening it fully, and motioning for her to climb in. Sam stood still and crossed her arms. “And just where are you taking me?”

His finger flicked up again. “Ah, ah, ah. As the kidnapper, I believe _I’ll_ be asking the questions. Questions such as: Why don’t you hurry up and get in the car already? The engine is running and unless you’d like to pay for all that wasted gas…”

“Why don’t you pay for it with your ransom money?” Carter smirked, still unmoving.

“No one would be able to pay it.” Jack replied, motioning to the seat once again with flourish. Carter shook her head, but curiosity caused her to oblige, and she slid into the seat.

The colonel shut her door and slid on his sunglasses as he walked around the front of his car to the driver’s side, climbing to join her inside.

“So how much am I worth then?” Sam questioned as Jack fixed on his seatbelt.

A glare of sunlight flashed across his sunglasses as his gaze flickered to her before he worked on adjusting his rearview mirror. “Oh, you know me. Never been one for math.” He gave her a quick smile before turning his eyes ahead again as he pulled the gear into drive. Sam thought she heard him clear his throat, but it could also have been the engine roaring forward.

After ten minutes of driving and not being able to recognize where they were headed, Sam couldn’t take it anymore. “Alright, sir, where are we going?”

“Conveniently...right here.”

Sam peered out the window as he pulled into the crowded parking lot of what looked like a scenic park. Several dozen people milled around, some carrying gifts and all heading in the same direction. That’s when she saw two men carrying a large, elegant, multi-tiered, white cake with two iconic figurines placed at the top.

Sam looked beside her at Jack with disbelief. “You brought me to a _wedding_?” Well, that explained his dressier clothing.

He grimaced slightly as he took off his sunglasses and then gave her a hesitant smile. “My very… _very_ distant cousin _Steve’s_ wedding!” She could tell he worked hard to put enthusiasm into his words, trying to make it seem like she should be honored to be there.

“Jack!” His name flew off her startled tongue.

He held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, I know!” His arms fell slack as he sighed. “Look, last year my old uncle Bill guilt me into coming to his big family reunion thing. So I went and had the great misfortune of meeting Cousin Steve. Can’t stand the guy, but for some reason he likes me. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t shake him, and eventually he invited me to his wedding. I couldn’t wiggle out of it.”

“You couldn’t just say that you had work?”

Jack’s eyes widened, his head shaking. “You don’t know the power of Steve. He has this...this… _look,_ this lie-sapping _look_ that just crushes any ability you have to refuse him.”

“Wow.” Carter stated.

Jack nodded and ran his hand through his hair. “Well, anyway, I forgot about it until yesterday when he called me up to tell me how ‘oh, so excited he is to see me again’ and stuff.” He shook his head, raising his eyes up to the ceiling, muttering. “I don’t even know how he got my number. I’m going to have to burn down my cabin and move…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “When it comes to social situations, you like to use extreme measures, don’t you? Methods of asking a date to a wedding, for instance.”

Jack looked at her, pleading. “I just need a friend there. I can’t face that guy alone again, that’s what got me into this mess.”

“Wasn’t your uncle there at the reunion to back you up?”

“Uncle Bill?” He waved his hand in dismissal. “Practically fell into a coma after sitting down for three seconds. And trust me, there’s no waking that guy. I’m sure the Goa’uld could invade and battle right next to his ear and he wouldn’t even stir.”

Carter grinned at his exaggeration. “You know, sir, you could have just asked me to come to this wedding at my door. Or called, assuming you hadn’t yet destroyed your telephone line.”

“Would you have said yes to coming with me to a last minute stranger wedding?” He turned his eyes on her. “Honestly?”

Sam squirmed.

“Exactly. But, now that you’ve heard my side…will you come with me?” He questioned her, leaving his role as kidnapper and giving her a choice.

“I’d like to help you out, sir, but, look at me—I am no way near dressed for a wedding.” She looked down at her t-shirt and sweatpants she hadn’t thought she’d leave the house in.

She felt slightly self-conscious as the colonel took her words seriously, furrowing his brow in thought as he looked her over from head to toe and back up again. He shrugged. “You look fine to me.” She raised a disbelieving eyebrow, making him start again. “ _But_ , I did take a precaution in case you felt that way.”

Carter watched him curiously as he twisted around to reach into the backseat and snatch the backpack he had thrown in and plopped it heavily on his lap. He unzipped the top and pulled out a blue dress.

Her eyes widened as she snatched the item and examined it closer. “That’s my dress! How did you get this?”

“I picked it up.” He answered innocently.

“When?” Her voice was still loud with surprise, not acknowledging his first smart-alec reply.

“When I was in your house.” He said, just as simply.

“But I thought you were in the bathroom!”

“Nah, the bathroom was just a cover story, though I regret it now.”

“Because your conscience is nagging at you for going uninvited into my room and digging through my personal belongs?”

He stared at her blankly for a moment. “No, I mean, I should have actually gone, ‘cause I really have to pee now.”

She gave him an exasperated look.

“Alright, I know, and I’m sorry; I should have told you everything and asked you first, but I just really don’t want to face this alone. Please, Carter?” He turned to her with his eyebrows tilted up in a plea and his warm, brown eyes searching her own.

Her heart melted. Even though she knew he was playing it up a little to get her to agree, she couldn’t help thinking that he went through an awful lot of trouble to kidnap her, and her dress, just so he wouldn’t be alone in an awkward social situation. How could she say no? At least he wasn’t kidnapping her to go fishing. And who knows? This might actually be fun.

She sighed. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

“Yes!” He said deeply, dragging out the word as he made a fist of victory.

“On one condition.”

He looked at her, slightly puzzled. “And what would I have that you’d possibly want?” He suddenly pointed his finger at her in warning. “You can’t have my parking spot!”

She smiled. “No, sir, I’m saving that condition.” Before he could respond to that, she continued, “You _can’t_ ditch me tonight. I’ve had that happen to me before; I didn’t know a single person at this one party when my date went to play some stupid games with some of his friends and left me by myself all night, even after he _promised_ he’d stick by me the whole time. No one bothered to even _attempt_ a conversation with me. It was one of the worst social nights of my life.”

“Well, that dirty little rat. Want me to shoot him for ya?”

Carter grinned and half laughed. “I appreciate it, sir, but no, that’s alright, just don’t leave me to fend for myself tonight or I’ll be the one shooting _you_.” She stuck out her hand. “We have a deal?”

He nodded and grasped her hand. “Deal. I promise not to leave you to the Steves of this world.”

She narrowed her eyes. “ _He_ promised, too.”

“Alright, Carter…” He shifted as he cleared his throat and moved his hand from hers, placing his right one over his heart and held his left in the air, as if making a pledge. He stared her right in the eye. “I, Colonel Jack O’Neill of the United States Air Force and other stuff that’s too long and classified to say right now in this boiling hot car, give you my word that I will never, ever, under any circumstances, leave your side, no matter what.” He grinned. “Will that work?”

“Hmm...” She teasingly stopped to consider his assurance, trying not to smile. “I suppose that will do.”

“Good. It’s highly unlikely that I’d let you out of my sight in the first place; I only know one person here and that’s the one I’m trying to avoid.” He put his hand on the door handle. “Now let’s get this thing over with. We can tell them congratulations from the car on our way out.”

“What, no cake?” She reminded him.

He paused with his door half open. “Okay, congratulations, cake, and then we split.”

“Sounds good to me, sir.”

They exited the car and walked around to the front, surveying the area for a moment.

“Nice place.” Sam commented, admiring the bright pinks and blues of the flowers. She spotted a small playground in the corner of the park where a few kids where playing while they waited for the ceremony.

“Yeah, it is. The kids are always hogging the swings, though.”

She looked up at him. “You come here often then?”

He shrugged, slipping on his sunglasses again. “When the swings are free.”

“Ah,” Carter raised her head, smiling politely before changing the subject. “Where are the restrooms?” She raised the backpack in her hand that held her dress.

“This way.” He pointed down a path and placed a hand on the middle of her back for a moment to direct her forward before he stuffed his hands in his pockets as he strolled beside her. They quickly reached the small building.

Jack stayed by her side as she found the correct door and then he suddenly cleared his throat as she placed her hand on the doorknob. “Uh, Carter?” She paused, backpack dangling from her hand as she raised her eyebrows at him. “Permission to momentarily leave your side?” He glanced at the sign for the ladies room.

“Permission granted.” She said with a slight blush.

He smirked, pointing at the ground where he stood as he bounced up in his toes. “I’ll be waiting for you out here.”

She nodded and then disappeared inside.

 

* * *

Jack pursed his lips for a moment before he spotted a bench a little ways down the path from the restrooms. He started for it, but when he passed the edge of the building he glanced over and saw a man in a tux with short, dirty blonde hair and a ready smile.

“Aw, crap.” Jack muttered and he backpedaled and ducked behind the building, but it was too late. Cousin Steve had spotted him.

“Hey! Jack!” An enthusiastic voice shouted.

Praying that it was another Jack he was calling for, he stayed quiet with his back against the wall.

“I see you there Colonel O’Neill!”

Jack twitched his cheek, jerking his fists in a silent exclamation. Well, there goes that hope. Just one last chance… “O’Neill with one L or two?”

He was met with silence. In the hopes of him being dragged of by someone, or possibly even some _thing,_ Jack peeked around the corner, barely showing himself before jerking back out of view, just in case he was there. But there no one was there. His second longer look proved that.

He nearly rolled his eyes in relief as he turned straight again, leaning his head against the wall. Small footsteps sounded and, thinking it was Sam, he turned toward the noise.

“Gah!” Jack flinched back, raising his hands loosely in a defense when he saw Steve standing two inches away from him. As the man laughed in amusement at his sneaking cleverness, Jack let his head fall slack against the wall again, a bit harder than normal.

“Heya, Cuz!” Steve said enthusiastically, elbowing Jack playfully in the side.

Jack slid his eyes down and sideways to look at the man beside him, who was a whole head shorter than him, before staring straight ahead again as he slowly took off his sunglasses. He waited until he slowly folded the shades closed before jerking his head toward the man. “Hello… _Steve_.”

“You can call me Cuz, too, Cuz!” He chuckled happily again and Jack quickly sidestepped before Steve could fondly elbow him again and leave another bruise.

He made a purposely fake sounding laugh before saying in a sarcastically happy voice, “Oh, Steve…don’t make me tell you again the long, long list of names and titles that makes you only just barely, by some thin connection—which includes two adoptions—makes you very distantly related to me.”

“Ah, but we’re still related.”

“And you always just _love_ to bring that up.” Jack forced a grin as he looked over Steve’s head, hoping to see Carter come out of the ladies room soon.

“I sure do. You know you’re my favorite of the family?”

“I literally can’t imagine why.” He said gloomily.

“Oh, _sure,_ always the modest one, this guy!” Steve said, glancing over his shoulder even though there was no one there to say that to. He continued almost immediately, barely pausing to take a breath. “Hey, I wanted to ask you a favor.”

Jack’s mind reeled, recalling how he got invited to this wedding in the first place by getting pinned in a corner by this guy. He needed back up. “Uh, Carter!” He called over Steve’s head toward the bathroom door.

“Ooh, you brought a date? Perfect! You remember how last time we met when you dropped that grape on the floor and I grabbed it back for you, and then you said thanks and that you owed me?” Steve raised his eyebrows as he tried to get his point across.

Jack stared at him. “Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn’t it?”

“Oh, Jack…” Steve just laughed as the colonel continued to stare at him, wondering what could possibly be funny about what he had just said.

“Anyway,” He continued. “Me and Penny, the _wife-to-be_ ,” He beamed as he dragged out the phrase. “Have two friends that were going to come, but called in to say that they were stuck in traffic and won’t be able to make it in time.”

“Oh, I should have used that…” Jack muttered to himself.

“Pardon?”

“I said my condolences.”

“Why, thank you! You know, that’s one reason why you’re just so amazing! Always so considerate of everyone’s feelings.”

Before Jack could comment, Steve continued, “Well those friends were actually one of her bridesmaids and one of my groomsmen. So I was wondering—“

“Oh no.”

“--If you and your date—“

“Sam!” Jack called again, his voice a pitch higher than usual.

“You and your date, Sam,” Steve edited with a grin, “Would mind filling in for them in the wedding party?”

Jack stared back at Steve with his mouth slightly open for a minute, before he blinked. “You’re kidding…right?”

“Why would I kid about my favorite cousin and his date being in my wedding? Besides, you said it yourself, you owe me!”

Jack shifted his weight as he shook his head, trying to avoid Steve’s eyes and unable to stop to sarcasm. “Aw, gee, Stevey, I’d sure just love to, but—“

“Oh, Cousin, that’s just swell! I knew you’d do it!”

“Well, actually—“

“Oh boy! I just gotta tell Penny! See you when the music plays!”

“But—“

He ran off leaving Jack frozen as he stared where Steve used to be only a second ago.

The Colonel slowly raised his hand before suddenly clapping it against his forehead, dragging it down over his eyes. The bathroom door then swung open and Carter stepped out.

“ _Now_ you come out.” Jack cynically, moving his hand his face to gesture out in exasperation. “Where were you when I needed back up for when Steve came…?” He trailed off as he turned to look at her.

“Sorry, sir. I was just thinking how amazing it was that you picked the perfect shoes to go with the dress.” Carter brushed aside a loose strand of her short, blonde hair as she stepped one foot out from under the knee length, light blue dress to show the silver high-heeled shoes that Jack had tossed in the bag as well.

He tilted his head, raising his eyebrows as he gestured toward her. “Well…it’s obvious that those…I mean, they go well with that…well, and it’s not just the…” Carter was waiting for his attempted witticism to make sense, so Jack finally just shut his mouth and rapidly nodded. “You look nice.”

She smiled. “Thank you, sir.”

Jack cleared his throat, looking at the ground. “In fact…good enough to even be _in_ the wedding.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Jack chuckled tightly, shaking his head as he muttered to himself. “Oh, Steve, I think I’m going to have to kill you.”

Carter furrowed her brow. “What exactly happened while I was in there?”

He glanced at her with a hesitant smile. “Well…long horror story short…we’re replacing a bridesmaid and groomsman in the wedding.”

Sam blinked before she stared at him at with wide, disbelieving eyes. “…You’re kidding, right?”

Jack pursed his lips, weaving his head back and forth between a shake and a nod before he flat out shook his head. “No.”

“Jack!” Sam shouted his name for a second time.

“Well, I’m sorry! But the person who was _supposed_ to help me out of such a situation with _that_ guy was busy hiding in the bathroom!”

“I was getting changed for the wedding that _you_ made me go to! And you didn’t exactly pick the easiest shoes to put on.”

“Hey, you’re the one who bought them—I just grabbed them.”

“Well, I would have been changed already if you had told me what you were dragging me into before we left my house.”

“…Don’t change the subject!”

Carter shook her head, placing the tip of her thumb and finger against her forehead. “Sir, you said that we were simply going to _watch_ the wedding, have some cake, and then leave. You said nothing about being an actual part of the wedding for people that neither of us really know!” She took her hand from her head and thrust it in the air for emphases before letting it fall limp to at her side.

Jack sighed. “I know…alright…here’s what we’ll do; we’ll both suddenly come down with a contagious illness and have to leave as to not ruin their lovely day with a bug.” He spread out his arms, his palms facing upwards. “There! Problem solved. Just don’t make eye contact with him as you lie. Remember, he’s a lie-sapper.” Jack replaced his sunglasses.

“Wait, when _I_ tell him?” Sam’s eyes suddenly focused on a point behind him. Jack turned around to see Steve striding up behind him.

“Well, hi again, Jack! Is this your date, AKA Penny’s new bridesmaid?” Steve grinned as he abruptly stepped up and shook Sam’s hand.

Her voice vibrated slightly with the jerking force of his handshake. “Uh, well—“

“I told Penny—well, told one of her bridesmaids to pass on the message, you know, cause I can’t see her in her dress yet—and she is just _thrilled_ that you and cousin Jack will be able to take place of  the Maid of Honor and Best Man!“

“What?” Jack and Sam burst out together in shock.

“I thought it would just be one of the lesser bridesmaids. You know, the ones who blend in more.” Sam said stiffly with a look at Jack, who seemed to be frozen.

“Oh, no, no, no! You two will be the main people! Well, second main.” He clarified with a grin as he tugged the lapel of his tux. 

“But—“

“I just have to say in advance, thank you both so much for doing this. All the other bridesmaids were already matched up perfectly so they couldn’t take over, and I know that Penny would be just devastated if she didn’t have a Maid of Honor. I believe Penny called you an angel.”

Sam blinked. She tried to open her mouth, but she seemed unable to speak.

Jack finally managed to find his voice instead. “Uh, well, you know, Steve, that sounds great to be Best Man to a guy I barely know—and even more exhilarating for Sam here to be Maid of Honor for someone she hasn’t even _seen_ —but I think we’ve come down with a—“

“Bad case of butterflies.” Sam interrupted, giving Steve a quick smile. “I’ve never been in a wedding before.” Jack staring at her, but she kept her view forward, determined to keep smiling.

“Aw, you’ll be fine once you get up there!” Steve chuckled and then checked his watch. “Ooh, I have to get going! I’ll see you in the wedding!”  He waved and then ran off.

 Jack kept his eyes fixed on Sam. He watched her grin melted into a grimace the more Steve disappeared. She finally bit her lip and she glanced up at Jack.

“Butterflies?” He raised his eyebrows. “That’s the most contagious illness you could come up with?”

“I’m sorry; I wanted to bail out but…”

 “You looked him in the eyes, didn’t you?” Jack tapped the lens of his sunglasses meaningfully. “I told you he has lie-sapping powers.”

“It’s their _wedding_ day!”

“A wedding of two people, of which, you’ve met only one for a whopping total of twenty-five seconds.”

Sam groaned, rubbing her forehead.

“Come on, Carter.” Jack said as he started forward, removing his sunglasses once more and finally pocketing them. “Let’s get this party over with.”

 

* * *

After walking down the path for a while, Sam and Jack came to a gazebo with rows of white chairs filled family and friends waiting for the music to start.

“Ah, this must be our stop.” Sam looked to see Jack pointing away at some benches behind a large hedge where five women sat, four in blue and one wearing white. The bride and bridesmaids.

“Well at least I match.” Carter commented as she glanced down at her blue dress, ignoring Jack’s self-satisfied smile.

As they slowly approached the bench, Sam bit her lip nervously. “What am I going to say to her?”

“Comment on her dress. Don’t all brides-to-be like that?”

“I would…but I can’t find anything positive about it.” Carter grimaced as she examined the gown. It was one of those big, fluffy, Bo Peep dresses with ten miles of lace and a giant, pink, silk bow wrapped around her middle.

Jack was stifling a laugh when Penny suddenly turned and saw then. In a split second, Carter’s grimace turned into a faux happy grin.

He blinked at her sudden change. “You’ve gotta teach me how to do that.”

Penny came rushing over, though Carter thought it was a miracle she could move at all with all that fabric in the way. “Hey! Oh, you must be Jack and Samantha!”

Her enthusiastic, high pitched voice nearly pierced Carter’s ear drums. She saw Jack force a similar happy grin as he replied animatedly. “Why, yes we are! Always just so… _thrilled_ to be thrown into such a situation as today.”

Penny beamed, not catching his act. “Oh, I’m so glad! And just in time, too, we start in about five minutes! Oh, Samantha, we’re going to become real close, I just know it!”

Carter tilted her head, just managing to change her cringe into a nod. “I…can’t wait.”

Penny squealed in delight and suddenly grabbed Carter’s wrists and, with a surprising force, pulled her close into a tight hug. She pulled back, but kept a tight hold of Carter’s hand, as if they were sisters instead of strangers. Carter shifted, trying not to show her discomfort.

“Well, now that Sam is here,” Penny said, turning to address Jack. “Why don’t you go find my _husband-to-be_ and wait with the guys until you’re on.” Penny giggled and Sam bit her lip again.

Jack was standing firm with a hand clamped around his wrist. “Why, thank you, but I think I’m content right here.”

Sam glanced up at him and he smiled back.

“Well, if you insist.” Penny said. A new song started and she suddenly jerked to attention. “Oh, it’s already starting! Millie! That’s your cue! Go, go!” she squealed, shooing the first bridesmaid toward the aisle. She paired up with a groomsman, standing at the edge of the path until a certain beat sounded in the music and then slowly marched forward.

While the pair made their way down the line aisle, Penny quickly matched up the men and women. “Kelsey and Tim, your next; Leah and Aiden, you’re after them. Then Sarah and Joss. And then, of course, Samantha, you go down with Jack. And then it’s my turn!” She raised her shoulders up to her rosy, smiling cheeks in an overflow of excitement.

Sam licked her lips nervously as Penny positioned her behind the line of people next for the walk down the aisle. She yanked Jack up to stand beside Carter, moving him into precisely the correct spot, even though the chances were slim that he’d pick the wrong girl to stand beside.

When the bride fluttered off to meet her father who was waiting to walk her down the aisle, Jack leaned down and whispered, “Does she remind you of someone?” He rubbed his upper arm where she had gripped to pull him to his spot.

Trying to distract herself from the butterflies in her stomach, she grinned and whispered back. “Do you think she could be an uncover Goa’uld? She _does_ have incredible strength and glowing eyes.” She gave a quick dramatic glance back at the beaming bride talking rapidly to her father.

“Hmm…” He gave a pondering expression. “No, too happy. Maybe a Tok’ra. Still has those characteristics and evil tendencies, but is happy about it.” He gave a single, firm nod as if that was the only possible explanation.

Sam chuckled quietly and then made a mistake by looking straight ahead. Past the only remaining couple in front of them, Carter could see people. Hundreds of people, all sitting in tiny, white fold out chairs in the grass beside the aisle. Every single pair of eyes were turned back to watch the incoming bridal party.

Sam groaned. “I don’t think I can do this. People aren’t my big strong point, especially when there’s a hundred of them all staring at me.”

Jack glanced at her. “You’ve given speeches and stuff before in front of crowds before; you were perfectly fine then. Practically perfect in every way, you could say.”

“That was in front of people I knew. You, Daniel, Teal’c, Janet, the General; people from the SGC.” She kept her voice low, conscious of the pair in front of them.

“Carter, you’re a Major in the military who has strategized and fought countless battles against a number of advanced and powerful enemies. You’re one of the best ones out there. Now are you really gonna let a short little walk down a little group of people ruin your reputation for bravery?”

Sam glanced from the colonel to the guests. “Yes.”

He pointed his finger at her threateningly. “Don’t make me order you. You agreed to this, remember?”

The bridesmaid and groomsmen in front of them stepped onto the aisle as Jack continued, “Besides, like I previously stated in my earlier promise, I’ll be right here beside you the whole time.” He held out his arm for her.

As she slid her arm into the crook of his elbow, her butterflies only increased. She took a steadying breath.

“Just don’t focus on the people.” Jack whispered, trying to help. “Focus on the gum you’re stepping on.”

“What?” Sam exclaimed, lifting one foot and then the other before realizing he was kidding. She huffed out an annoyed breath, glancing sideways at his pleased smile, feeling him bounce up on his toes. “Very funny.”

“I thought so.” He grinned at her and she couldn’t help but smile in return.

Someone hurriedly stuffed a bouquet in Carter’s hands and waved them on. Jack and Sam stepped forward onto the aisle.

“Relax, will ya Carter?” Jack murmured through unmoving lips as they walked through the rows of staring guests down the long, skinny, aisle. “You’re decapitating the flowers.”

Sam loosened her grip on the flower stems. “Sorry.” She squeezed the apology out past her frozen smile. “I usually have more time to prepare myself for something like this.”

They reached the end of the aisle where the groomsmen and bridesmaids were lined up. Steve grinned and waved at them enthusiastically.

The aisle ran out and Jack was forced to slip his arm away from hers and, reluctantly, take his place next to the groom a few steps away from Carter.

Sam quickly slipped into her own spot beside the rest of the eyeing bridesmaids as organ music blared “here comes the bride.” She watched the colonel flinch and try to clear his ears.

Penny appeared with her father at her side and her frilly dress fluffed to maximum. She beamed and waved at Steve, who mirrored her actions. They were meant to be.

Penny strode gleefully down the aisle, practically dragging her dad. The bride finally reached her groom and quickly turned to Sam, passing over her overflowing bouquet of flowers to hold. Sam worked on settling both the stem of the bride’s flowers and her own smaller bundle together in her hands as the pastor cleared his throat. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the holy matrimony of Penny White, and Steve MacDoogle.”

Carter froze. She stared at Jack with skeptical eyes. He only raised his eyebrows and nodded sadly. Sam pursed her lips in a silent disbelieving whistle as she looked away.

The pastor droned on, his slow rhythm of memorized words caused Sam’s mind to wander. Not daring to look at the watching crowd, she kept Jack in her gaze, though she could never quite focus on his face. Only after a few moments of eye contact, Jack suddenly crossed his eyes at her and Sam barely managed to contain the snort of laughter she felt. Since that wasn’t the best sound to make at a wedding, she kept her eyes down, just enough to keep him in her field of vision.

As wedding promises buzzing in the background, the letter Z flickered brightly in Carter’s mind. Her brow wrinkled in confusion for a moment at the spontaneous picture before she focused the flurry of movement she hadn’t consciously realized she’d been watching. Colonel O’Neill, in proper groomsmen pose with arms down and stationary with one hand wrapped around his wrist, was rhythmically tapping his index finger against his watch.

Press. Press. Tap tap. Press. Press. Tap tap.

Carter couldn’t help her amused smile when she recognized this habit. She had seen him tap out this pattern during long briefings at the SGC, but hadn’t paid much further attention to it before. Now she realized, whether the colonel initially meant to or not, he was relaying Morse Code. One letter over and over again.

_Z-z-z-z-z-z-z…_

Jack must have seen her amusement. He tilted his head and took a moment before a brief smirk overcame him and his finger changed rhythm.

_W-o-r-l-d-s  l-o-n-g-e-s-t  v-o-w-s._

Carter glanced over at the bride and groom who both held in their hands multiple pages of handwritten vows. Her eyes widened when she saw the ink characters covering both sides of the papers. Penny was now attempting to read her second page through her growing tears, though always with a beaming smile.

With two bouquets overflowing her hands, Carter couldn’t send a visible message back. She considered tapping her toe or blinking her eyes but she didn’t want to be seen as rudely impatient or an eyelash fluttering love-stuck. Rather she decided to slip in a few mouthed words.

_Sweet_. Carter suggested, tilting her head toward the bride and groom. Jack raised an eyebrow. _For them_. She added with a grimacing smile. Carter translated his tapping finger.

_C-a-v-i-t-y  f-o-r  m-e._

The ceremony went much faster with Jack’s hidden running commentary.

Rings were exchanged.

_W-h-y  n-o-t  w-a-t-c-h-e-s?_

I do’s were said.

_W-e  k-n-o-w  a-l-r-e-a-d-y._

husband and wife was pronounced.

_D-o-h._

The seated crowd, probably tired of sitting in the hard chairs, rose to their feet and applauded enthusiastically as the newlyweds barreled down the aisle with gleeful squeals and shouts. With the audience still applauding and staring after the retreating bride and groom, Jack stepped forward and extended his elbow out towards Carter. She eagerly left the bridesmaids, shifting both her own bundle of flowers and the forgotten bride’s bouquet into one hand in order to slip her arm around the colonel’s. They started their walk back down the aisle. 

“Asides from the traumatic scarring of being exposed to Steve and Penny MacDoogle and their three hour long vows consisting of a play-by-play of their life stories with each other…” Jack muttered to her, nonchalantly grabbing the extravagant bride’s bouquet from Carter’s struggling singlehanded grasp and handing it off to a bewildered elderly man who stayed seated as they passed. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jack finished, glancing at her.

“Even worse, sir.” Carter said through her smile as a camera flashed in the crowd.


End file.
